Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. philipians 4:11
Everyday I am humbled by what the Lord is teaching me. I think I am an easy going, patient, kind person....but then when I really take a good look at myself, I can be up-tight, easily aggravated and mean.
I had a "moment" yesterday of these unattractive personality flaws and I am ashamed.
Yesterday, on Brad's day off we spent the day together just enjoying being a family. Went to the mall, had lunch together. Tyler and Brad worked on batting, throwing and catching for Tyler's baseball tryouts. And then, there it was, a GORGEOUS house for rent. I mean......my dream house!!! I begged Brad to stop by and go look at it and he complied. We didn't go in, but we could see in almost all of the windows, and the porhes...and the pool. I mean this was one beautiful home.
I had all of these thoughts about where I could put things and how I could decorate.....KNOWING GOOD AND WELL WE COULD NEVER AFFORD A HOUSE LIKE THIS. That's when I heard my husband say, "I should've put my foot down and said NO, we are not going to look at it." "I should've known better." This is when I began to tear up and the ugly came out. I immediately became depressed and started to have a pity party. It lasted a couple of hours and let me tell you, I physically felt terrible. I thought I was going to be sick.
I then had to walk into the garage, down the steps and into the place that I live.......someone else's basement. You talking about a slap in the face.
My husband didn't fuss, didn't get aggravated, he only said." I am sorry, I have failed as a provider, and I live with this everyday."
Brad left with Tyler to go to baseball and I felt so ashamed. Here my husband who had been through so much this last year. And the blessings we had received and I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have healthy children, a husband who loves me and serves the Lord. I decided right then and there to change my attitude. It was amazing how much better I felt and by the time Brad got home, I was "CONTENT". I apologized to him, but couldn't take away from the feeling of failure. He still feels like he has let me down.
We as woman have to be so careful what we say and how we say things to our husbands. They need us to uplift them and encourage them. They have enough on their shoulders to bear without having a contentious wife at home.
Thank you Lord for showing me your love and your scripture. I still want a house of my own, but I am content with what God has provided us with. I am thankful!!
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. philipians 4:11
